my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
