i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
