i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
