Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize