I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
