Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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