I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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