you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize