I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
