Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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