He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
