I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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