She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
