Your mouth is God's brothel.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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