when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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