Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
