my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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