Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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