you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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