I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
