Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We need to rekindle our bromance
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don't deserve a penis
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
