Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
