My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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