If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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