I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
