We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
