i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
