His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I touched a dick in church today
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
