I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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