I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm always down for nudity.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
