It's just like the Real World with babies
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize