I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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