Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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