I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
