i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
