Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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