if you like me you must not know who I am
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
