Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
