youre lurking in front of me
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
