the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
