So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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