What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
