so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
At least life still wants to fuck me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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