I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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