So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
