1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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