Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
