Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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