Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
