Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
