OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
