its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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