we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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