he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
4 words: hood of his car
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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