i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
