I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
