You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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