puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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