I want to walk on stilts...naked
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
