Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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