i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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