There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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