Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
