oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Two words: nipple clamps
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