I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Your penis caused this!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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