Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
