Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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