its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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