I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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