Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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