question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
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