his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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