Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
