i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
