You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
