I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
