I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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