im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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