At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize