Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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