His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
