someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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