Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
