Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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