Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
