i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
