Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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