Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
