So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
