My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
