So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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