New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
