he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
