Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
