There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
