he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
All I want is dick and wine.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
