He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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