There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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