break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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