i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
