my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
