Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
