well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
