If that was your dad, he is hot
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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