I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
